A Web Spun

I never needed to read books. Because every moment, every new glint in his eye was a new page. I learned all I needed to know from him. And sadly, the book was ending. I strived so hard for it to continue, falling on each last word to make them last an eternity. And like that, I was empty. The book had ended.

2 years of All Things Linguistic

allthingslinguistic:

Thursday marked the second anniversary of All Things Linguistic. Since I post daily and so much has happened since then, I have a LOT of favourite posts! Here are some of them. 

Explaining things: 

Writing systems: 

More technical: 

Debunking myths: 

Accents and Dialects: 

Pronouns: 

General Fun:

Outreach: 

Internet linguistics: 

Many things on because x: where it probably came from, why it’s not a preposition, when it won Word of the Year, and when I talked about it on CBC Spark

What makes an effective synonym for Benedict Cumberbatch? (my first article for The Toast)

The grammar of doge for The Toast, from which came this quote post (which currently has just over 13.7k notes, what?). The French doge example and why no one knows how to say “doge” were fun too, as of course was talking to the BBC about it

Assorted other internet linguistics:

Series: the protolinguist series was mostly last year, although the master post came up this year. This year I also started the linguistics jobs series, which is a still-ongoing collection of resources and interviews

Looking forward to another year with you all! 

Since music is the only language with the contradictory attributes of being intelligible and untranslatable, the musical creator is a being comparable to the gods, and music itself the supreme mystery of the science of man.

—anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss (via jtotheizzoe)

dual-destininies:

pixelgamer07:

dual-destininies:

derples:

dual-destininies:

tothejamjar:

tf2-fandomstuck:

tiniestshorts:

Bread knife

The french have grown more powerful. 

DEATH HONHONHON

Hold it!

Look more closely at these photographs, Your Honor.

Notice anything strange about the bread?

I didn’t either. That’s because…

…no cuts were made there in the first place!

The witness forged the photographs to make it look like they had an actual bread knife, when they actually did not!

How, you ask? Look to the second photo.

While it is quite obvious that the knife is penetrating the top half of the breadstick, I’m not sure about the bottom half.

Looks pretty flat, doesn’t it?

The angle of the photo makes it look like the knife is in the witness’s breadstick, whilst it is actually behind it. In addition, the cut was actually made after the first photograph and before the second. Continue to the third photograph.

It is also taken from a flat angle, as was the second photograph. I’m sure you’re finding something missing in this photograph as well, Your Honor. Where is the index finger’s fingertip?

This illustration explains it all.

While I am… ahem, not the best artist…

(Didn’t I go to art school?)

The index finger is hidden behind the loaf of bread. It is not wrapping around the loaf of bread. This is because…

The witness was making space to put the knife’s handle!

Objection

Are you really that dull, Wright? For a man who majored in art you should be able to recognize a sculpture when you see one.

as we can see from the photos provided, this is quite obviously plastic.

if you look at any photo of real bread it can’t attain that level of shininess, and even if it could.

If you’ll notice in this picture, the bread on the inside is quite shiny, as well.

Tell me, Wright, have you ever seen real bread gleam that much? Don’t answer that, I will.

Even in this high-resolution photograph with bread that thick, it obviously wouldn’t shine on the inside when it isn’t buttered.

And it isn’t too hard to find the item in question with a quick google search.

Oh, and if you will notice, their hand was covering the seam where the bread was taken apart in the first photo with a simple comparison of the pattern on the bread.

It appears your lawyering skills are in much need of some sharpening if you expect to cut me down with that weak objection.

Edgeworth, you’re asking yourself the wrong question. It’s not “is there bread like that…”

You should be asking “can there be bread like that?”

Sweet bread can be infused with sugar or a syrup, making the outsides shinier- and the insides sweeter. Take a look.

Furthermore. there are parts of the witness’s bread knife that don’t just match up with the novelty bread knives you have presented. Take another look.

Let me point out two things about the novelty knives: one, their markings, and two, the placement of the knife itself.

In the novelty knives, the marks are artificial-looking and repeated. That is because they are manufactured. In the witness’s photo, the marks are more natural and realistic- because they are, well, real!

Furthermore, the blades on the novelty knives are in the middle of the handle.

But… look back at the witness’s photo. The knife is to the left? Where is the problem, you ask? Look at this illustration.

Here we have the knife, a piece of bread, and a table. Let’s have a go.

I’m sure you see it now, Your Honor.

The bread knife cannot actually be used to cut bread efficiently! Even if it was tilted, it would be uncomfortable and unbalanced!

The defense has an explanation for this positioning.

The blade is to the left because the witness was holding it behind the piece of bread!

Oh my good- Please, for once can we please have a post without these idiots making a mess of things? Is that too much to ask? I beseech you, just go away.

 image

fuck off

This is it. This is my favourite post on tumblr of all time. The bread knife lawyers win all the points. I have found it.

(via therealpigfarts23)

thementalistinthetardis:

wwhatevver-ampora:

hungoverterezipyrope:

theleakypen:

ohmygosh you guys, the dawn room is the single best thing i’ve discovered on the Internet. If you feel at all crappy in any way, go on there right now. Seriously. Anything else you’re doing can wait. 

IM CRYING BECAUSE IT SAID TO THINK OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON OR WHATEVER AND I COULD ONLY THINK OF MY DOG SO THE ADVICE I TYPED IN WAS “GOOD DOG” AND IF THAT GETS SENT TO SOMEONE ELSE IM GONNA CRY

Reblogging again because this is absolutely beautiful. This doesn’t have nearly as many notes as it should, spread it around people. Help spread the love. Do it for me guys? *hugs* Love you all.


truly inspirational
no but really, this is actually pretty cool

thementalistinthetardis:

wwhatevver-ampora:

hungoverterezipyrope:

theleakypen:

ohmygosh you guys, the dawn room is the single best thing i’ve discovered on the Internet. If you feel at all crappy in any way, go on there right now. Seriously. Anything else you’re doing can wait. 

IM CRYING BECAUSE IT SAID TO THINK OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON OR WHATEVER AND I COULD ONLY THINK OF MY DOG SO THE ADVICE I TYPED IN WAS “GOOD DOG” AND IF THAT GETS SENT TO SOMEONE ELSE IM GONNA CRY

Reblogging again because this is absolutely beautiful. This doesn’t have nearly as many notes as it should, spread it around people. Help spread the love.

Do it for me guys? *hugs* Love you all.

truly inspirational

no but really, this is actually pretty cool

(via goodnight-raggedyman-andgoodbye)

reallyreallyreallytrying:

"average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

(via gam-ora)

thecompanionsdoctor:

dizzyondreams:

hiatusisso2yearsago:

hiatusisso2yearsago:

itsdeepforhappypeople:

stumpxvx:

dont u hate it when its nine in the afternoon but ur eyes are just normal sized

I’ve seen this post three times on my dash and i still cant fucking figure out what it means is it like some secret code. are 22,000+ of you in a secret society????? what the fuck is going on?????

some of my favorite tags:image

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some more gems:

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this post just gets better and better

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#panicked

(Source: stumpxvx, via queensamwise)